


Lonely

by witchy_alien



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 08:36:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12009027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchy_alien/pseuds/witchy_alien
Summary: Yuri has a breakdown.





	Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> I had a strong need to write sad Yuri

It was quiet nights that left Yuri curled up alone in bed wishing for something he did not have. It was listening to the small whispers down the hall when Yakov and Lilia thought he was asleep. It was the ache that wouldn’t leave his belly when he had to say bye to Otabek. It was not being able to see his grandfather for weeks.

The feelings were worse when he found himself at practice surrounded by laughter. He busied himself with his phone while he stretched. Trying not to look distracted by Yuuri and Viktor giggling together as they stretched. Anger bubbled under his skin as the two whispered together. Yuuri was red and laughed loud enough to draw more attention to them. 

“Gross,” Yuri spat out. 

It was gross. It was a gross icky feeling that made him skate until his muscles screamed at him to stop. If it weren’t for Yakov yelling at him to get off the ice. 

Yuri took an ice cold shower that night. And once all the lights were off in the house he snuck food he wasn’t allowed to eat into his room. He scrolled through his laptop with his cat by his side. The one comfort he got throughout the day. 

He stayed up later than he wanted to. Yuri woke up with a bitter taste in his mouth and a headache. He already hated the way the sun shone through his window. His body still hurt from the day before. And he regretted all the junk food he had in replacement of dinner. 

Lilia side-eyed him knowingly as he sat down at breakfast. He ate the plate in front of him. It didn’t taste right on his tongue. His headache had found a permanent home on the right side of his skull. He pressed against his temple to calm to the pounding. 

“Your light was on past three,” Yakov watched Yuri. 

He was judging him, challenging him to talk back. Yuri got up from his seat and fed the rest of his breakfast to his cat. 

The strange urge to cry got caught in his throat. So Yuri put on his shoes and took off jogging. He knew he didn’t have to tell them where he was headed. He wasn’t dumb enough to skip practice. 

Yuri made it to the rink later than he would have cared to admit. Mila asked him a question, but he couldn’t hear it over his headache. He grit his teeth together, something of a growl came out in response. Mila patted his back and stepped away. He was thankful she didn’t press anything. 

He began his morning stretches, limbs not quite reaching where they usually could. His legs and arms had to be forced into his usual positions. Once on the ice his movements were just as forced. Stiff turns and emotionless step sequences. 

Yakov was yelling at him off to the side. Nothing he usually didn’t scream, yet the words bit at Yuri. They sunk under his skin making the hair on his arms stand on end. His headache hadn’t gotten any better. And exhaustion seeped through his body as he dragged his feet on the ice. 

He came to a stop in the middle of his routine, anger and that gross feeling mixed together. He let out a scream, “I know! Don’t you think I know?” His breath hitched in his throat and his eyes stung. He was tired, so tired. 

When was the last time he slept an entire night? He hadn’t called his grandfather in days. Did Otabek miss him? Why was everyone around him together? What were they laughing about together all the time? 

Why was everyone happy? 

Yuri was making a scene but he didn’t care. Other skaters had stopped and were watching. Yakov was staring wide eyed at him, almost looking scared. 

It didn’t stop the words from tumbling out of Yuri’s mouth, “I know I’m not getting anything right. I’m a worthless, good for nothing skater who thinks he knows it all, right? I’m trying! I,” The tears stopped whatever mouth vomit would come out next. 

Yuri’s head hurt, the lights were too bright. His chest hurt, ached, burned. His vision was unfocused. Squeezing his eyes shut he began to panic, “I can’t,” he clutched his head, “I ca-”

Yuuri was the first one to him. He spoke soothing words in a mix of English and Japanese. An art form he must have mastered from years of experience. The first thing Yuri noticed was that he was cold, so he said so and they stood up and got off the ice. Yuri didn’t remember sitting down. 

Lilia was next to him pressing a bottle of water into his hands. An odd comforting presence washed over Yuri. He clung to her and cried into her fur coat. She seemed to not mind as an arm came around his back. Yuri knew he was being childish and selfish. But the arm around him squeezed him tighter into the perfume filled hug. 

“Grandpa,” Yuri mumbled when his tears and breathing slowed down, “I want Grandpa.” He spoke in Russian but Yuuri seemed to know the words. He gave Yuri his phone to call home. 

The other skaters were now back to skating, Yakov yelling at them to focus. Viktor was watching Yuri, ignoring the screams directed at him. 

After speaking to his grandfather and telling him that he was okay, Lilia took Yuri home. She had him keep his bedroom door open and made him tea and lunch. Yuri curled up in bed feeling more exhausted than he ever had. 

Lilia sat down at the foot of his bed and served him food. She drank the tea in silence with him. 

“Sorry,” Yuri was feeling embarrassed. 

She looked over her cup of tea, sharp features looking worn. “Yuri,” She set down the cup, “You have so much potential and I have seen you accomplish so much. You are young and what you do is tough.” She looked away for a moment and turned back to him, “We care about you, Yuri. I’m going to speak to your grandfather about setting you up with a professional.” 

Yuri swallowed down the tea, “Okay.” He was too tired to argue. Sleep took over him easily after that. 

He woke up late in the afternoon to laughter and a delicious smell coming from the kitchen. He walked out with his blanket over his shoulders. Viktor and Yuuri were sitting at the table with Yakov and Lilia. They got quiet when Yuri approached. It made him almost want to retreat back into his room. 

“Yurio,” Viktor patted the seat next to him, “We have a surprise.” 

Yuuri laughed, “I do all the work but it’s still ‘we,’ huh?”

“Yuuri did most of the work but I was moral support,” Viktor gave Yuuri a quick kiss on the cheek. 

Yuri was still standing, staring at the four of them. 

“You’ve kept all of us waiting, boy. Come sit down,” Yakov said. 

Yuri carefully sat, rearranging the blankets into his lap. Yuuri brought over the food, pork cutlet bowls, that made Yuri’s mouth water. 

“Sorry if it tastes funny,” Yuuri told everyone.

“Thank you for the food!” Viktor said in Japanese before digging in. 

Yuri felt warm and relaxed. His head still hurt a little, but it was easy to ignore. And he would have to talk to a stranger about everything, which he wasn’t looking forward to. Yuri would still have to go to practice the next day, apologize to everyone and hope nobody told him anything. 

They wouldn’t, Yuri knew Yakov wouldn’t allow them to say anything to him. And knowing that made the food taste better. 

He was happy in the moment. The ugly feeling still in the back of his mind. But listening to Lilia and Viktor tell embarrassing stories of Yakov made Yuri laugh. And hearing even more embarrassing stories of Viktor from Yakov and Yuuri made him laugh harder. It was a nice feeling. 

Yuuri told him goodnight and reminded him he could go to him for anything. Viktor patted his head, ruffling his hair. Before going to bed that night Yuri did the unusual. In the silent of the night, Yuri gave a quick hug to Yakov. Yakov wrapped his arms tightly around Yuri, tighter than Lilia did earlier that day. 

Yuri pulled away, face red, and rushed to his room. He let the good feelings consume him for just one night. Feeling a little less lonely, he closed his eyes and tried to get some much needed rest.

**Author's Note:**

> OK but Yuri being so young and small and depressed and angry is what I'm here for 
> 
> I love my sad angry lonely boy


End file.
